As you may remember from my Robitussin Night Time post, I have been suffering from some insomnia this past month. Let me be the first to tell you that insomnia is not fun, and I feel bad for everyone that has to suffer from it on a nightly basis. I am lucky in that my insomnia comes and goes, but when it comes, it’s miserable. I’m talking nights of 0-2 hours of sleep. When I am at home, I sleep like a baby, but when i’m at school, my sleep patterns range on a nightly basis.
Two weeks ago, I had a big exam and the night before I just could not fall asleep. It was the worst. I started to convince myself that I wouldn’t be able to sleep, which made me so nervous that my heart started racing and I couldn’t sleep. My thoughts weren’t even about him but rather, “oh gosh, I have a test tomorrow. If I don’t sleep I am going to fail. Ahhh my heart is racing. There is no way I will be able to sleep/” Then i’d check the clock: “oh my gosh, it is 4 AM, I have to wake up in 3 hours, there is no point in even going to sleep now, I should just wake up.” Worst.thing.ever. I did fall asleep that night, and probably got about 3 hours of sleep. I did okay on my exam, but I could have done so much better.
My life this past month has been a blur. I have so much positivity all around me, and I am so thankful for such amazing friends and a great family, but when you lose someone you love, things just aren’t the same. Not only did I miss someone I loved, but I lost my best friend, and someone that I saw my future with. We had a great relationship, so when it ended unexpectedly last month, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Like they say though, life goes on. I have done a lot of self-assessment and have realized exactly what I want in life, and I realize that I may have been blinded by love. As I have stepped back to re-evaluate, I have also realized that I deserve a better relationship, and someone that is crazy about me. All girls deserve that! I truly thought that he was the one for me, but things change, and I know that my future is bright, and that someone new will come along and sweep me off my feet. Sometimes I feel like I am old, and that I will never get married or have kids, and then I have to remind myself that I am 24 years YOUNG and have an amazing future. I am smart, getting my doctorate degree, caring, fun, and i’m an optimist. I love life and am so thankful to God for helping me realize all of these amazing things this past month. Life can definitely throw you twists and turns, but if you take them gracefully then you will see that life is truly beautiful.
I leave you with a picture of a happy time, with my best friend Jenn who has been amazing throughout this trial of life. I know my eyes are shut, but this picture still makes me so happy!