**This post is written mostly for myself, to reflect on the feelings of my move. I realize not everyone will want to read this whole thing!
My emotions have been like a sine wave lately. Oh my gosh, did I really just say that? I am a nerd. What I should have said is that they have been up and down. Sometimes I am feeling very excited about my big move, and then a wave of emotions comes over me and i’m suddenly sad and sick to my stomach.
In just two days I will be leaving everything I know for something completely different where I am starting over. Granted I know I have only signed up to move for a year, but it is still a scary thing. I am not afraid to say that I have been comfortable my whole life. That is not to say that I haven’t had my own personal hard times or that life has been easy, but it has always been comfortable. I am very lucky to have a great and supportive family who has only been at maximum an hour and a half away if I needed anything. My mom is one of those mom’s that would do ANYTHING for her kids. I always felt a great comfort in knowing that and knowing she was close by.
Massachusetts is home to me. I’ve lived in Western Massachusetts and Eastern Massachusetts for 15 years (I was born and lived in Ohio). When it comes down to it, I love this little state. I really, truly do. There is so much charm and “quaintness” in New England and I have some great memories here. It does seem that recently though there have been more complaints out of my mouth about this beautiful state. I think I am just bored with it, and I really despise the weather in the winter. Although now that it is summer, of course I am in love and so sad to leave.
When my parents bought a “snowbird” house in Florida and I knew that they would be escaping the dreaded New England winters for a couple months, it was my turn too. I knew that if my parents were going to leave for the winter, and I have always felt this need to move away to a warmer climate, then I had to move too.
I knew going into my graduate school program that there was a fourth year “opportunity” as I liked to call it. It is my one chance to move somewhere new for a year and still be considered a student. There would be no commitment to staying, and it was really my chance to get away and get it out of my system. When it came to applying to places, I only looked outside of New England. I knew if I started to look close by, I might be tempted to stay and I knew I needed to get out of my comfort zone, grow up a little and do what I truly want to do. So, I did it. I applied in Arizona, was accepted for a great position and I really haven’t looked back.
Reality hadn’t really hit me until this past week. This past week was when I started shipping boxes of clothes, said good bye to my car (it is being shipped across the country) and am starting to really cherish every moment I have at home. Every time I drive somewhere I think “this is the last time I will see this for awhile.” I know i’m being dramatic, but it is just a weird feeling. I have been cherishing every precious moment with my cute dogs. I know this sounds pathetic, but they are my best friends. My dog Simon could truly be a therapy dog. He knows when someone is upset and he knows exactly how to comfort them. He is truly a one of a kind dog. Sydney is a sweetheart and has been in my life for 11 years. She is incredibly loyal and loves to give kisses! ;) I sound like a crazy dog lady, and maybe I am, but I love my dogs. Leaving them will be so sad because I know they will miss me. That’s the hardest part!
I am also afraid of the unknown. I don’t know if I am going to like or hate Arizona. I have been there a bunch of times, but I have never actually lived there (thank you captain obvious!). I will be living alone in a very social apartment complex in a social city. I know I will have every opportunity to meet people, but again, it is going out of my comfort zone to do so. I know that this will be the best thing for me, though, and a lot of good can come from moving to a new city.
Besides my dogs, mom, family and a few friends, I really have nothing else keeping me in New England, which makes it easier to leave. So, along with all this unknown and fear comes a great deal of excitement. I am excited for my new adventure, I really truly am. When I lived in Ohio and knew I would be moving to Massachusetts, I was so excited. I actually had a great deal of friends in Ohio at a young age, and it was kind of sad for me to leave, but at the same time I was so excited to be “the new kid who got all the attention” at a new school. Yup, that was me. I always loved school too, obviously. I knew that as long as I had my family, it would be great, and it was. I made new friends and never really looked back. I hope that parallels what will happen with this move too. Although I won’t be in the third grade and won’t have an easy way to meet people, there are many other ways to do so.
So, what am I excited for? I’m excited for an adventure, something new, the Arizona restaurants, the beautiful weather (mostly), the beautiful sunsets I hear a lot about, my new apartment, my new job, exploring a new area, the shopping, meeting new people and did I mention the food?
So, here goes nothing. Wish me luck. :) I’ll miss you mom, but we will skype every day, right?!